The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
