The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
