the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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