found the other keg... it's in the tree
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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