guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
