I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
