if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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