Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
