I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just invented taco cereal.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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