i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
