You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
how do you play pong handcuffed?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
