My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dicks are not precious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
