All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
