She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
