I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
