Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
