He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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