I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
