I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
