The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When did angry sex become our thing?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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