You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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