What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
