dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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