Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
