I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
