You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
