You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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