i just wanna soil my oats bro
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
false alarm, still single
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
