Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize