I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So drunk its hurt
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
