So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
