I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
