any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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