3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
