Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry about my life...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
