the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
