your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
