Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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