i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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