WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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