My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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