I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
