So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
