you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
