i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
