No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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