she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
