a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
