can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
