so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
