Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
