That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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