Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
