So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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